Surgery - A Year Later

I wrote the following post last Saturday night, June 7th.  I've sat on it for a week.  I think I'm ready to post it now.

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A year ago today was one of, if not THE, hardest days of my life so far.  I didn't write about it at the time because my emotions were too raw and it felt too personal.  It seems a bit strange to say it felt too personal considering I've shown you my big, naked, pregnant belly and written about breast-feeding and all of the crazy emotions of being a mom, but it just did.  As I'm sitting here tonight writing this, I'm still not sure if I will actually post it.  However, this blog has become a diary of Bradyn's life and a journal of my life with her, so I feel like this should be included.

Without going back to check past posts, I'm sure I mentioned along the way that near the end of Kindergarten, Bradyn had some tummy troubles.  After an x-ray, ultrasounds and being referred to a pediatric gastroenterologist, those tummy troubles turned out to be half of her bowel being blocked (1.5 feet, to be exact).  I still don't understand how it was blocked when she was still having bowel movements, but that's what was causing the pain.  The problem was resolved in a weekend with the "best prescription ever" - Jello (aka Lansoyl laxative jelly), Gatorade (with RestoraLAX in it), chocolate (ex-lax) and plain potato chips (the real thing).  I felt so bad for Bradyn that weekend but, after a number of follow-up appointments over the next 6 months, she was 'cured'.  We still have to keep an eye on her, but hopefully that's all behind us. 

During one of the ultrasounds Bradyn had to figure out what was causing her tummy pain, they found a cyst on Bradyn's right ovary measuring 38 mm x 32 mm x 43 mm.  Kevin and I were mortified.  Who thinks of a 6-year old even having ovaries let alone having a problem with them?  Bradyn was referred to a pediatric gynecologist (I remember hating the thought of there even needing to be such a profession) and over the next year, there were 2 more ultrasounds.  

On April 10th last year, we were told that the cyst was continuing to grow and that there was a risk of it twisting and amputating Bradyn's right ovary (if it hadn't already).  The cyst had to be removed which meant our baby girl was going to have to have surgery.  I've said it before and I know I'll say it again - thank God for Kevin.  As soon as the doctor said Bradyn had to have surgery, my tears started flowing and I couldn't think or talk.  I just held Bradyn on my lap and squeezed her.  Kevin jumped in and asked the questions that needed to be asked.  Poor Bradyn just kept saying she didn't want to have an operation.

Our trip to Disney World last May was the best vacation ever.  We had so much fun, and Bradyn was beside herself over getting to experience Hogsmeade.  Unfortunately, there was a bit of a black cloud.  Kevin and I were keeping a very big secret - Bradyn's surgery was scheduled for 2 weeks from the day we were to arrive home.  I remember so many looks shared between Kevin and I during our trip, both of us so worried about the upcoming surgery, and not sure how or when we were going to tell Bradyn that it was happening sooner rather than later.

In true Bradyn style, she decided when she would find out.  On the two minute drive from home to daycare the week before her surgery, from the back seat of my car in a high-pitched voice, Bradyn's stuffed animal asked me when Bradyn was going to be having her surgery.  There was no point in lying or putting her off - we had planned to tell her over the weekend anyway.  We had a chat, I made sure I answered all of her questions, and we both went on with our day.  I remember thinking that she was so brave.    

At 6:30 am on Friday June 7th, 2013, we arrived at Vancouver Children's Hospital for Bradyn's surgery that was scheduled for 7:45 am.  (Ironically, my cesarean section when Bradyn was born was also scheduled for 7:45)  We had been told that when Bradyn came out of recovery after the surgery, she would be admitted to the hospital and have to stay overnight.  I had my bag packed too.  Bradyn got changed into her gown and we waited.  Dr M came out to see us and explained that the surgery would be about an hour and 20 minutes.  At 8:00 am, they came out to get Bradyn and I.  (Kevin and I had agreed that I would be the one to go into the operating room with Bradyn and stay with her until the anesthetic knocked her out.)  Walking through the swinging doors and down the halls was awful.  I thought I was going to throw up and I was shaking, but I refused to cry because I needed to be strong for Bradyn.  I remember the whiteness and brightness of the operating room.  I remember being way too cheerful and pointing things out to Bradyn.  I remember one assistant blowing bubbles to try and distract Bradyn while I stood beside her and held her arm firmly behind my back so they could insert the I.V. without her being able to see what they were doing.  I remember Bradyn saying "ow, ow, ow it hurts" as they put the needle in.  I remember them laying her down, hearing her count down from ten (in French), watching her eyes close, and being quickly ushered out of the room.  When I got back to Kevin, I cried.  I went outside to get fresh air and called Sherri.  I went back in to Kevin and we waited.  And waited.  And waited.  At the 80 minute mark we agreed we shouldn't panic because an hour and 20 minutes was probably just an estimate.  After another 10 minutes, we panicked.  When Dr M finally came to see us, we were relieved - but not for long.  Dr M said the surgery went really well but that when they got in there, they discovered that the cyst on Bradyn's ovary was actually a tumour growing INSIDE her ovary.  The second I heard the word tumour, I went cold.  Dr M assured us that she was sure the tumour was benign, but that did nothing to make me feel better.  She told us that they closed the ovary back up and that it was healthy.  She said the tumour was a random occurrence and that Bradyn is not more likely to develop another one or have similar issues in the future.  The word tumour kept echoing in my head.  I just wanted to see my baby but she wasn't awake yet, so we had to keep waiting.

At about 10:00, they finally took us to the recovery room to see Miss B.  As we got to her bedside we saw her rolling around and heard the nurse telling her she had to keep still or she was going to get tangled up in her IV tubing.  Leave it to Bradyn to be a bugger even when she's in a drug-induced half-sleep.  The nurse told us Bradyn had given her the thumbs-up sign after being asked how she was feeling.  She was with it enough to ask where her new stuffed animal was and if she could have it now.  (the weekend before, we had gone to Hallmark so Bradyn could pick out a special 'surgery' big-eyed stuffy)  Bradyn was rolled back to the surgical unit where we waited for her to be admitted and taken upstairs to her room.  At 11:00 am, Bradyn said she was bored and asked if she could watch a movie.  We couldn't help but laugh.  The nurse taking care of Bradyn in the surgical unit was wonderful - so kind and attentive.  She brought Bradyn popsicles and took good care of her.  She told us that because Bradyn was doing so well, it was likely that she would get to go home by supper time.  At 1:00 pm Bradyn got up to the washroom.  She was not happy about having to get there in a wheelchair.  On her way back to bed, Bradyn was in pain and nauseous, and the poor kid was green.  The nurse gave her some gravol and she slept for about an hour.  After that, we were told she could go home.  When we were almost home Bradyn said she was going to be sick, so we pulled over.  (Not to worry - we had our airplane sick bags)  Even with the pit-stop, we were home by 4:55 pm.

On Saturday morning, Bradyn was up and moving around like she'd never had the surgery.  By Sunday she wasn't taking any Tylenol or Advil and she actually hopped up on the kitchen counter to get a plate.  She probably could have gone back to school Monday, but we kept her home.  On Monday night Kevin, Bradyn and I went over to the park - I think we were all feeling stir-crazy.  I was talking to Kevin, with my back to the playground, and he asked "Should she be doing that?".  I turned around and was horrified to see that Bradyn had jumped up and was hanging off the monkey bars!  I could have killed her.  Needless to say, Bradyn healed very quickly.  The first steri-strip came off on Sunday night and she was super excited.  "Cool!  This is the best part of the surgery mom.  Now I can see my scars."  

The 12 days following Bradyn's surgery were agonizing as we waited for the pathology results.  Even though Dr M had assured us the tumour was benign, we weren't going to be able to relax until we had the official report.  When it finally came, we took a deep breath.

And now you know.  I'm sorry this was so long - I even cut out a lot of the details!  A year later, it still feels very fresh.  Writing this post was hard.  Re-living every single detail from that day all at once was hard.  Remembering our trips to Children's Hospital where we saw so many innocent, sick children, was hard.  Knowing that no matter how close we watch her we can't always protect Bradyn, is hard.

Waiting to go into surgery.

Here we go...

Back in the surgical unit.

Still groggy, but insisting Rootbeer stays under her head as her pillow. 

Chilling out with popsicles, movies, Duffy the Disney Bear, and Rootbeer. 

Ready to go home with her new BFF Rootbeer.  So, so, SO proud of this little girl.  She didn't cry once the entire day.  You could tell she was a bit nervous, but that's probably because she was feeding off of our emotions.  This is one amazing kid.

Now please go hug your babies and loved ones.